Volume 1, Number 14 - JUNE 13, 2011

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Rafael Tur
Rafael Tur
Staff Writer

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Opinion Opinion

Tango Down

Crashing The Royal Wedding—Tango Down

By Rafael Tur

First of all, good work President Barack Obama. You killed Osama Bin Laden and freed us from the continuous 24-hour media coverage of the royal wedding. Were you as sick of it as I was?
After researching Obama’s TV habits for a few hours, I noticed a few things.

First of all, Obama and his wife—Michelle Obama—weren’t invited to the royal wedding. Perhaps the ridiculously excessive coverage of the wedding caused Obama to feel left out.

He probably sat crossed-armed with a pout on his face in the Oval Office, watching CNN’s coverage of attending celebrities, citizen hordes mobbing Buckingham Palace, and an incessant amount of Ale and shrimp cocktails; the latter which President Obama probably desired to indulge in.

Secondly, Obama returned a symbolic bust of Winston Churchill which was loaned to former President George Bush at the beginning of his first term. The queen was surely insulted after the rejection of one of Britain’s most storied leaders spitefully left Obama off the super-hip wedding.
Totally disgusted, Obama launched operation “I PWN TV.”  American commandos raided the known location of the infamous Bin Laden, who was probably watching coverage of the wedding. That would explain why he was allegedly unarmed and confused when Seal Team 6 busted through his door and shot a slew of bullets—the American way—in all directions until striking him.
In the wee hours of that Monday, Americans celebrated the death of one of the world’s bogeymen. The royal wedding became old news before coverage of the honeymoon began.
However, it’s hard not to be skeptical in considering how the administration handled the release of information about the military raid and details regarding the entire ordeal. The most logical explanation for this farce is simple: all 3,000—yes, 3,000—press secretaries working under Obama were dirt-face drunk. After the national address, Obama must have had hosted a celebratory beer summit. All his minions were invited and Vice President Joe Biden performed magic tricks.

Let’s not dissect the event. If Obama fails to be re-elected next year at least he will be remembered as “the Prez who got Osama.”



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